Wednesday, April 04, 2007

Rainbow Rocket...

We planned it weeks ago. Made the phone call and signed up, told them we were looking forward to it..........If only I'd known.

It was a chilly morning, the wind was brisk and the anticipation was thick in the air. Oma had made her way over and was looking forward to a day with her grandchildren, while the Hubs and I said our good-byes.

We were off to the 'Dortman Brothers Barn Tour'. Yipee-ki-yi-yay.

I was actually elated about getting out of the house without children, and looking forward to the joy of sitting with the Hubs on a school though we were in high school. Since we wouldn't know anyone, I envisioned us having long talks while bumping our way through the countryside and enjoying long strolls down barn walkways (albeit covered in manure...but hey, beggars can't be choosers...)

I realized the error in my visions as we approached the meeting spot before setting off on the tour.

There she was in all her glory, ready to be filled with eager dairy farmers. Although I had expected a school bus, I was greeted with a far superior automobile. The Rainbow Rocket. If you're a mom of younger children, you'll know of the show 'The Doodlebops'... uh -huh ...picture their tour bus.

For those of you who are unfamiliar with the Doodlebops, let me familiarize you. "Let's Get on the Bus, Let's Get on the Bus!...' It's a rainbow coloured, blaring-ly bright, disco dancing bus that carries the singers to their gigs. Lemme tell ya, I was ready to break into song and dance when I stepped in this shaggin' wagon. Then we met the driver. Mm-Hmmmm. We were in for quite a day.

As we left the lot in the Rocket, we soon began to understand the magnitude of the un-wonderful ride we were embarking on. The driver soon became known to the Hubs and myself as 'the narcoleptic city slicker on a suicide mission'. If he wasn't falling asleep at the wheel, he was testing the width of the road, seeing how many times he could shower the cars behind us in gravel, or how many cars beside us would give up on his game of chicken. It was .... ahem...entertaining to say the least. The hubs and I had a serious discussion about the writing of our will, and who the children's guardians would be. This was all in jest..of course.

We began to wonder about the shrill alarm that had been seared into our brains, and when the noise would stop. The Hubs ...being the funny man that he is....was joking with the other Dairy farmers about a similar alarm that goes off in the barn when the milk is too cold or warm. Everyone had a laugh...then Driver Dan piped up with a maniacal laugh, and stated that the noise would be staying on during our ride on the Rocket, as he couldn't locate the source of the screech. So he tuned the radio to the local country station (whilst swerving violently from side to side as he twirled the knob) thinking us farmin' folks would quit complaining if we heard our Aggie anthems being played.

In our attempts to stay positive, the Hubs and I were serving each other raw humour in the form of a running commentary on the news report that would be featured on the 'Live at 5' regarding the Dairy Farmers Bus Tour that went awry.

[Said in reporter fashion] 'The Rainbow Bright bus was found to have busted through the guardrail and had plunged into the icy waters below. The investigation continues, but so far leads have been pointing to the Narcoleptic Bus driver, who was too busy fiddly-farting with his add on GPS to notice that he was veering directly into a river. He was found asleep at the wheel, while clutching his cell phone in mid-text message. Fortunately the duct tape on the drivers shaft and exposed wiring helped to further reach conclusions into the cause of the accident)

By the time we arrived at the first barn, I was thankful to be alive AND to still have my hearing. I jumped down from the Rocket, with the rainbow designs from the ceiling still dancing in my head, and my breath caught in my throat.

It was Captain Highliner. Straight from the box of fish sticks in my freezer.

He was standing 2 feet in front of me. Pipe, blue cap (complete with cording), turtleneck and all. He had jolly sparkling blue eyes and a skip in his step. The only difference was that I had always imagined Captain Highliner with a British accent, and this chap was sporting a dutch one.

The hubs and I finally quit giggling like school children, and made our way through the Captains barn. We shuffled throughout with our plastic booties on (as to not spread contaminants from our farm to theirs) and admired the structure and livestock.

After we hopped ourselves up on caffeine and timbits, we were whisked away on a magical bus ride to the next farm.

In total we visited 4 farms, and saw some pretty innovative ideas in the industry....but it made me appreciate what we have so much more.

At the end of the day we were somehow still in one piece and were safely deposited back to the parking lot. We thanked the driver and he gave us a goofy grin.

I imagine he's now singing 'Let's Get on the Bus...' whilst driving and dancing in disco fashion.......perhaps he'll be driving for the seniors 'Maple Syrup At The Spring Fling While Fiddling Tour' next and I'm Sure we'll be hearing about that one on the news.


Anonymous said...

Yet once again you have made me laugh uncontrollably. This story was read that is. It really does sound like the driver was a " maniac on wheels " and well as for your " Doodle bop Bus " sounds like another Pimping ride for ya Leanne. Glad you had a great time!


Judi said...

I agree...once again I am laughing uncontrollably too! I can only imagine what the real life version was like! LOL! By the way, I gave you a shout out today on my blog!

Fiddledeedee (It Coulda' Been Worse) said...

Now that was some date!! I'm just hoping above all hopes that Fiddledaddy takes me to Cracker Barrell one of these days. I don't know if I could settle for C.B. after hearing about that little adventure.

Very very funny story.

Jethro, Squirt and Mel said...

Well I too laughed pretty hard during this story! Funny thing though, Jethro knew what you were talking about with the "Doodlebops" and the "Dortman Brothers Barn Tour" when I asked him who they are? Too funny!