Tuesday, January 20, 2009

Biblical Parenthood

A blog that I read had this to write this morning, and it struck me ... my parents have done exactly this. And I can't thank them enough. They've helped to foster a wonderful marriage for Dwight and I, at times it's not easy as a parent, having to 'let go'. I feel like this blogger has taken the words out of my mouth!

A BIG thank you to Mom and Bill!!

Here is her blog : Resolved to Worship

"I've always had a wonderful relationship with my parents ~ I never had times of "rebellion" growing up. We had dis-agreements... but really, very rarely in my 19 years at home! I got along wonderfully with them. Since getting married, my relationship with them has only deepened, or rather changed even for the better as it's no longer a child/parent relationship. They have become trusting friends who have more than anyone in my life, loved me, accepted me and encouraged me. And a long with me, my husband and our children.They have respected Robert and I as a married couple, with Robert having jurisdiction as head of our household. They have respected our marriage, our privacy, our lives, our decisions, and supported us with unconditional love. They have somehow found the balance of being interested in our lives, yet letting us live our own lives - and it has made for a healthy, God centered relationship. I praise God for that... He knew that though I thought myself least likely to be back at mom and dad's after marrying, it would be me that would be back. And a whole lot more than just once.When I left home at 19 and married Robert, I LEFT. Not just physically, but emotionally, and mentally - wholeheartedly following and transferring my everything to my husband. I never felt "homesick" or this need to live next door to my parents. Robert was to then be my counsellor, my head, - I did the "leaving and cleaving," as the Bible commands husbands and wives to do when they marry and become a new family of their own. It was natural for me. It was right.I appreciate my parents words of wisdom on this topic and guidance as I lived at home. I appreciate my mom's example... and I appreciate the bad examples the Lord put in my life before I married to show me what was not His way. I am very grateful for my parents allowing and releasing, and trusting.----------------------------~Speaking of married children and parents - a little side note:I've talked to hundreds of young married women who come from homeschooled families. A huge plus to homeschooling is the close relationship that can develop between the parents and the children. One of the biggest down falls in the parents having invested so much into their children, often times making them their whole life, an idol, and not being able to release them in God's way when they our young adults and when they marry...It's not always just the parents ~ often times, the young person, after marriage, in not able to fully "leave and cleave" as they should to their spouse because they feel constant guilt for not continuing to be/ or do what their parents still expect of them, want of them, continue to "counsel" them. It's an unhealthy and ungodly relationship.I can't help but advise that if you have come from a tight knit family, whether homeschooled or not, and you marry - take some time AWAY - maybe a year, maybe more - leave the city and state, or just get distance, whatever - as a couple become one, apart from your families. Make leaving and cleaving a priority. Let your folks know, let them know your vision as a couple to do as God commands. Start your marriage right with the two of you learning to go to God and learn to hear from Him, together. I've thought a lot about how good it would be too to encourage our children- as they are growing -in their relationship with Jesus, A Part From US -- to go to Him, to hear His voice, to read the Word and discover what He is speaking to them. If we encourage a relationship with the Lord and yet are always teaching them, telling them, to constantly rely upon us to tell them what He is saying, what He is wanting of them, what we feel is right or wrong for them... (of course this would be the case when they are young, I'm speaking more of when they become pre-teen/adolescent)...Then they become husbands and wives one day who do not have a real/breathing relationship with the Lord... or maybe they do, but it can not mature and grow as it should because they are controlled by/led by the continued control of their parents. Often times it also caused these grown adults to still act like children or rather much younger than their age because they have not matured in the area of decision making and seeking the counsel of the Lord.They've not learned the wonderfulness of listening to the Holy Spirit and His voice, but rather seen their parents as the "holy spirit." Their parents are their conscience, not the Lord. Their consciences have just been trained by their parents, rather than molded by God and by a true and breathing relationship with Jesus. Their parents are still their top counsel, not the Lord. Their parents are who they fear, not God. Persons who are in this situation, when they marry, often times they continue to look to their parents to "counsel" them in every little thing from their housing, to their income, to their job, to what standards they should have for their family, to what church they should attend, what kind of foods they should be eating as a family, should they get close with that person and their family, should they not? Who and who should not be their friends. etc, etc, etc. and etc! They are merely programed robots, even as adults, and not married couples with Christ as the center of their relationship. Really, outside influences, fear of man, parents beliefs are the center of their relationship when it really comes down to it."Therefore a husband should leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife..." - "Wives submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord." (notice, she is no longer to submit the her mother/father, but to her husband - in essence, a leaving and cleaving as well.) Eph. 5:22,31-----------------------------~

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

When the kids are full time in school, Lord willing, you need to write a novel!!! Wow