Mama.

364 days until Christmas comes again. On a typical boxing day I get sentimental about how the festivities have ended and how things just seem to become their 'usual' again. But this boxing day was much different. I could feel a sort of release of all things stressful, a joy in resuming the mundane day to day routine. It was odd. I felt.....old. I can see that I am beginning to become the 'parent' .... I am fitting in to my motherly role, and finding that there is a whole different side to Christmas on this end of things. It's much more about everyone else and wanting everything for them. The biggest smiles, the tastiest food, the 'feel' of Christmas.

Ah yes...the 'feel' of Christmas. I never realized how much was put into creating the 'feel'. I appreciate my childhood so much more... and I think that, if for no other reason than that alone, (respecting your childhood and those involved in creating lasting memories for you) everyone should have a child. You will understand the effort, the stress, the desire to please, and the pure love of anothers joy.

Having children changes you. completely. It's SO not about you anymore...and it's okay. It's time to give, to love, to please, and become the one with open arms...reminds me of the book 'The giving Tree' by Shel Silverstein. It's about a tree that loves a little boy so much and takes so much joy in spending time with the boy, having him swing on her branches, eat her apples, collect her leaves.... but the boy gets older and doesn't spend as much time with her, he comes back from time to time in his life and she wants so much to make him happy that she gives all of herself...she gives him her branches, her bark, her trunk to make a boat...He sails across the world and eventually when the boy comes back, He is an old whithered man. The tree feels as though she has nothing left to give him, he says he doesn't need anything, just a place to sit. She finally gives what she has left...her stump. He sits, and the tree is so happy again.

This is like motherhood, constantly giving, but in that giving is so much joy. It was so pleasing to see the smiles on my babies faces. The hugs were so gratifying, and the laughter was music.

Ashlyn came down with a flu bug lastnight and was up every half hour throwing up. I took her into my bed and into my arms and I stroked her back and her hair, I cleaned her, I kissed her and I held her. It was so wonderful to be needed.